Parents are only human
Why do some children do well and some not do well? It is a mystery why children from the same parents, coming from the same gene pool are so different. It can be baffling to parents when they raise their children exactly the same way however while some do well and some do not do so well.
How can the same environment deliver different results? It is difficult for us to comprehend when we are accustomed to constants such as two plus three always equals five and when you add one tablespoon of sugar to one cup of water, you always end up with the same sugar water.
The root cause is the human factors. Parents say that they love all of their children equally. However, we parents are humans and we have a preference for a child with a certain personality over the other. This leads to us subconsciously treating the children differently without realizing it. Having differentiated interaction is not an issue. Denial of the reality is. When we refuse to accept that we treat our children differently we fail to see consequences of our interactions. We don’t accept that we treated one better than the other.
Each kid, having his or her own personality and temperament, responds differently to the same interactions. Thus, being frustrated about the different response from a different kid and putting the blame on the kid is not fair to the kid. There is nothing wrong with being different.
My brother likes soup and I don’t. My mother keeps making soup and complains that I don’t finish my soup while praising my brother for his good eating habits. My sister is good at math and I am terrible at it. Although I might be good at something else my father keeps comparing me with my sister and makes me feel stupid. Why can’t he see that not everyone needs to be good at math?
You can see how these types of interactions when repeated over a long period of time deliver different results. The first step of being a parent is to admit that you are only human and have your own limitations.